Being convincingly adult…

I’m currently sitting in a hotel room on the edge of the earth (okay Palmerston North isn’t actually thaatt bad!). Today’s post was supposed to be a riveting read about the wonderful world of Tinder and the promised blog on modern dating. However, after a successful weekend trip to Kmart, buying such exciting homewares as tea towels, bucket and steam mop, I’ve instead decided to write this post about the current bane of my existence: being an adult.

Now I know everyone reading this knows how challenging it is to wake up every morning and pretend to be a fully functional adult human being. When I was younger, all I wanted to be was an adult and now I’m here, I’ve begun to realise just how shit it actually is – there are so many little things that my parents did for me that I never noticed. When cast out into the cruel world of flatting and working full time, the gaps in my knowledge have become painfully obvious (but it’s okay because mum and dad are on speed-dial).

So today’s post is for those out there that need a little more help maintaining the charade of adulting. And because I’m a millennial and millennials like lists, it’s coming to you in the form of beautiful bullets. Here are (a selection of) the things my mum told me, the things I wish my mum told me and the shit that no one bothered to mention because it’s supposed to be ‘common sense’. It’s a fairly broad list, so enjoy:

  • Don’t sign a lease. Don’t do it. Live at home, live in a motel, couch surf – do whatever it is you have to do to avoid being fiscally and responsible for an actual house full of people. Can’t stress this one enough. Always get someone more adult to do this for you and trust me that person isn’t you. So far my lease holding experience has involved ongoing email battles about curtains (yes, curtains), trading gardening for pizza and having the pleasure of locating a new washing machine 2 days before the Christmas break. Last time – save yourself the stress and just don’t do it.
  • If you completely missed the first point and somehow ended up being the lease holder, here are some quick tips for managing yo flat:
    • Create a flat account for expenses so you don’t have to worry about reimbursing for toilet paper and rubbish bags (because no one ever keeps receipts and rubbish bags do NOT cost $50), it’s also handy for outgoing debits of internet and power
    • Highly recommend Flick Electric as your electricity provider. Why? They have an app. Always go with the app. Oh and they’re cheaper too… But the app is super cool and allows you to keep track of what you’re spending. And they bill out weekly, but app!
    • Have a flat Facebook page. Mostly you can post pass-ag comments about who stole your bananas… But really, great way to keep everyone up to date with fun things like flat inspections
    • There’s 100 more tips I could write, but honestly the best one is to probably chill out and accept that everyone works differently and important things will get done and for everything else… (there’s Mastercard) – nah, it’ll happen when it happens!
  • Another sub list coming here – things adults have in their kitchens that you didn’t think about until you were cooking and realised you didn’t have it:
    • Strainer & sieve
    • Tea towels. Heaps. Especially in a flat – you’ll need like 50
    • Dish drainer ($8 at Kmart – what a win!)
    • Goldilocks scrubbing thing so you can scrub off the burn from that recipe that seemed really basic on Pinterest…
    • Tongs, serving spoon with holes in it, serving spoon without holes in it
    • Glad wrap & assorted collection of containers with and without lids
    • Paper towels – for all those times you were mixing pancake batter and spilled half of it on the floor
    • Mixing bowls and measuring cups
    • There’s probably more of these things, but #protip you can avoid buying any of these things if you survive off frozen meals and takeout
  • Baking soda and vinegar will basically clean about anything – suitable to clean your carpet, your white jeans, your towels and apparently one cup of vinegar will clean your washing machine, so chuck one of those in there once a week

In true blog fashion, it has occurred to me whilst writing this that this list could absolutely go on forever. So I’m going to cap it at there for now and consider this to be a part one – covering small elements of flatting/home life. As, after all, this is a blog for/by millennials and the attention span isn’t overly high, because well – have you seen that video of the bunny being rescued?