Modern dating 101

I haven’t written a dating post (or in fact, any post) for a while, so I thought I would jump on and write a comprehensive assessment of all your dating options as a millennial in 2017. So much choice, lucky you.

You’d think that in the era of modern dating, with so many options, it would be a lot easier to find the love of your life. I mean, statistically, you’re a lot more likely to find ‘the one’, when you have access to a much greater dating pool, but it’s also a lot more challenging to weed out the creepy men who are just wanting to know the colour of your underwear (yes, I am unfortunately speaking from experience). So, here you go, this is the #sejoverview of your current dating options when you’re a single pringle wanting to mingle.

#TINDER

I’ve written quite a few posts on ye olde Tinder, but it’s 100% worth mentioning again. It’s easily accessible and has the great feature where you can filter out people based on their age and location. Such advancement we’ve made in the world today. It’s fabulous for seeing some of the world’s most fabulous pick up lines – the most recent personal favourites of mine have been gifs. Why present a witty quip, when you can send a picture of a rolling seal? What an art form. You get what you pay for with this one (yes I have a free account), but you can’t expect too much when you’re judging people based on what they look like (I am a sucker for a man in a suit). So the verdict on Tinder is a definite quantity over quality, but you may find the odd gem.

#BUMBLE

This one will be incredibly short, as I don’t actually have a Bumble account. Apparently this is better than Tinder but again, yet to be proven. I couldn’t be bothered having 2 dating apps on my phone and after finding out that women have to do the talking on this one, I was instantly turned off. No, I don’t think it’s empowering. Men apparently think it’s great. You only have 24 hours to reply to a message, so this one requires some serious commitment and let’s face it, if you wanted commitment, you prooobbabbbllyy wouldn’t be trying to hook up with someone via an app…

#DATING WEBSITE e.g. Elite Singles

For research purposes, I did actually make an account on Elite Singles. However, I don’t actually think there is anything elite about this website. I didn’t exactly invest a lot of time in this one, but I found the website to be clunky, confusing and convoluted (the trifactor of C’s). I went on the website once, found that it matched me with a dairy owner in Mt Roskill and a plumber in Red Beach. No offense to either profession, but not quite what I was hoping for. I immediately lost interest, but boy did Elite Singles play the clingy ex – sending me emails every couple of days telling me I had a match. I did not return. Verdict – eehhhhhhhh not my recommendation, I honestly think Tinder works better than this website (which by the way, doesn’t supply photos or info for free users).

#THE HOUSE PARTY

I’m a big fan of the house party vibe, which works exceedingly well in a flatting situation where your flatmates bring their hot friends over. My top tip here is try and get hot people to move in when you’re filling up your flat (like attracts like, you see). Then, all you need to do is strategically plan a house warming party and ta dah, you have your optimal moment. I will warn you against getting too drunk when you’re trying this play, as it’s really not a good look when you crash out at 11pm (absolutely not speaking from experience here). House parties are a lot quieter than a bar, for example, which makes it a lot easier to have a conversation and find out if this person is worth your time and attention (which is, as we know, invaluable – if you can’t give more than 10 seconds to tweet, how are you going to spend 10 minutes on a conversation?). Verdict – house parties are a great way to meet people/potential datees.

#TOWN

I have never once met anyone of value in town, but let my bias stop you from getting out of your shell and dancing the night away with some interesting (and potentially attractive) lad or lass. I have 2 good friends who met in town and are now married, so keep this option open. It does help if you’re an extrovert and willing to meet people, but some extra liquid courage never goes amiss. Town is also a fantastic place to test out some weird pick up lines on people you may never see again. Featuring the #HPpickuplines; “Are you a Snitch? Because you’re by far the greatest catch here.”, or “I may not be the boy who lived, but I can still be your chosen one.” (Gold!). This also helps weed out the weirdos who haven’t read Harry Potter… Verdict on town – very very hit and miss, always bring a wing man/woman.

#NETWORKING EVENTS

We finish this list (it is getting rather long, phew!), with a personal favourite of mine – the networking event. Who said networking events had to be for making business connections (I mean that’s what they write in the advertising copy, but really, any opportunity eh?). This is a sure fire way to meet up and coming young professionals like yourself. My tip for such a situation is to be the one that fills the silence. I was recently in a lift with a bunch of young professionals and it was awkwardly quiet, cue SEJ with a witty comment; “goodness it’s like human tetris in here” – I will now forever be known as the girl who made the awkward lift moment…a whole lot more awkward #sorrynotsorry. Verdict on this one – always maintain professionalism; feel free to add them on LinkedIn, but slowly make your move in a professional and quiet way. Go networking!

There you have it, a great overview of all (well a good selection of) the different platforms you can meet the weird and wonderful partners that this world has to offer. Cast your net wide and test out those Harry Potter pick up lines.

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Let’s talk Tinder

So here is a post that’s been sitting in my drafts for a while. I guess I didn’t post it because there is a lot of stigma around Tinder, even though it has become mainstream.  I’m not currently on Tinder and I’m definitely not an advocate for a lot of the people on there… But I think it’s another avenue which allows people to meet others that they usually wouldn’t be able to, which I think, for some people, is pretty cool. Well, here it is, the long awaited Tinder post that’s been in my drafts for the last month:

I’ve wanted to write a blog post about tinder for some time now. I know there’s a lot of posts about Tinder, as it’s something that’s becoming gradually normalised in our society. But, as an early adopter of Tinder, I’ve had a good 3 years or so to consider this app and make some recommendations of my own. In good millennial form, I’ve decided to do this in list form and have even numbered this one. Ah organisation.

  1. Should you even download Tinder? I’ve never really had an issue with meeting people – male or female. I can walk up to someone in a bar and strike up a conversation, no problems. I guess I downloaded Tinder for curiousity – I wanted to see what everyone was talking about/extend my avenues for making poor life decisions. I’ve been through several reincarnations of my Tinder profile, often installing and deleting on a bimonthly basis. Why I continue to use Tinder is more boredom than anything else (hence why I haven’t used it a lot of late). I recommend downloading Tinder for the sheer smorgasbord of opportunities. Oh and to test Harry Potter pick up lines (I’ve got some excellent ones!).
  2. Vetting the masses. This is extremely important. If you’re busy like me, you don’t have the time to meet with everyone you match with on Tinder. I have 2 methods of singling out those who are worth meeting. The first is to throw at them a really weird and wonderful pick up line and see how they respond. Case in point – “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber”. If they respond to this obvious weirdness, then they may be vaguely interesting to hang out with. The second is to let them talk to me first (very old fashioned, sorry feminists) and if they can hold a conversation, then usually they’ll be okay in person. If their opening line is what colour underwear you’re wearing or some equally creepy comment, I’d stay away.
  3. The Tinder bio… I’m not going to lie. I don’t have a bio, I’ve never had a bio and I can’t be bothered to take the time to make myself seem interesting, when obviously I am (I mean the pea costume speaks for itself). I don’t read the bios of others and this has often had disastrous circumstances (no I’m not interested in being your third, thank you very much). If you’re looking for something specific e.g. ‘a good time, not a long time’, or applications considered for 6″4 giants and above only, then I’d recommend putting it in your bio. And maybe don’t mention the fact that you have 7 furbabies at home…
  4. Add them on Snapchat. I cannot recall how many times people have either taken very strategic photos (good lighting and sunglasses seem to help) or just seem to have stolen a photo from one of their friends and thus look ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like their pictures. I’m totally not advocating basing your decision purely based on looks, but honestly, if you’re on Tinder, you obviously care a little bit. Connect with them on Snapchat, send them a few cheeky snaps and hopefully you’ll get a better idea of whether you’re going out to dinner with the handsome Franco brother or more of a Jonny Depp lookalike (or maybe there’s a third option here…).
  5. You finally get round to meeting up with them – where do you go and what do you do? This will, of course, totally depend on your levels of weird. Since mine are high and I have a short attention span, I refuse to do normal things like go on drinks. Make sure you go somewhere fairly public (to avoid a repeat of the Gable Tostee incident) and somewhere you can escape from easily if things get weird. I often drag people on hikes with me because, if they’re boring/tedious/unacceptable levels of weird or creepy, then at least I got some exercise out of it… Other more normal suggestions include mini golf, beach and ice cream date or salsa dancing (is that normal? Sorry I can’t be more helpful here, try googling it).
  6. And then what? Your Tinder date can either go one of 2 ways. You’ll have the most amazing night of your life because you’ve clearly found your future life partner, or you wasted what could have been a great night in watching Chef’s Table and munching on curry (did you know that MenuMania delivers to the Shore?!?!). There’s possibly a more middle of the road option, but I’ve found those don’t make for good writing, so I’ll stick with those 2. If it went shit, well that sucks, but hey, there’s plenty more matches to make awkward conversation with. Don’t take it personally – sometimes there just isn’t chemistry. Absolutely do NOT continue messaging this person as if you had the time of your life. Be honest. If you have indeed found the love of your life, start thinking up a great story of how to tell your children you met. I like the ‘we bonded over choosing the same flavour of ice cream at Ben & Jerry’s’ version of events.

So there you have some of my top tips for Tinder. Give it a go! Download the app, google weird pick up lines and see where the night takes you.